I Try to Stay Hep to the Jive
50-something rugged man to book-reading lady: Oh, hey! Great to see you reading a book. You know everyone these days is reading a twatter.Book-reading lady: Thanks? (exits train)–E Train
View ArticleWednesday One-Liners Look Good Enough to Eat
Boy: Ew! Honey and ass!?–48th & 8thOverheard by: urbanadventurerGuy to friend: I felt like her eyes were going to eat my face.–Bleecker & CharlesOverheard by: Jacob40-something man to...
View ArticleAny Weirder Than Eating the Body Of Christ? Weigh In, Readers!
High school girl to raucous group of friends: Oh man, remember the time we dared him to lick the church?Group of friends: (wild laughter)–Outside Grace Church, Broadway & 10th St
View ArticleI'm Starting to Care That the Girl Has an Orgasm
Girl #1: So wait… You have trouble orgasming?Girl #2: Yes! It's like impossible for me to come through sex alone.Girl #1: But fingering and oral works?Girl #2: Well, yeah.Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya...
View ArticleMost Are Bilingual, You Know
Guy #1: Did you know eating pussy was a hispanic thing?Guy #2: No, I did not.Guy #1: I don't like that word, though. There are nicer ways to say it.Guy #2: Sorry… “Latino.”–34th St &...
View ArticleThere's Nothing Like a Staten Island Banana Split
Man #1: So I'm lookin down there, and I see my girlfriend tugging at her crotch.Man #2: Why?Man #1: Well, it turns out she was masturbating with a banana, and she squashed it and it exploded inside of...
View ArticleWe're All a Few Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?–Union SquareCrazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail...
View Article5-to-7-Day Liners
Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.–Frying Pan BarProfessor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same...
View ArticleWednesday Funbag-Liners
Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?–86th StOverheard by: KevinGirl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!–Charles...
View ArticleDog: “Next Time I'll Just Get Him Drunk First.”
Man holding dog in elevator: I said no kisses.(dog goes to lick owner's face again)Man holding dog: I said no!(pause, then kisses dog)Man holding dog: Okay, I kiss you.–East Harlem
View Article…So, No Performing Aural.
Hyperactive seven-year-old: Mom! Let me lick your ear! Come here, let me suck it!Disgusted mother: Boy, I ain't your girl! –2 Train
View ArticleLucky Bastards
Chick #1: Just like that, for no reason?Chick #2: Yeah.Chick #1: That’s so weird! Usually when a guy licks you, there’s some kind of context.Chick #2: What about that time a hobo licked me? That wasn’t...
View ArticleHow Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center of a Wednesday One-Liner?
Chick: How am I supposed to exercise my authority when people are asking me, ‘Do you want to lick it?’?! –Churrascaria Plataforma Dude: I used the little bathroom in the back, and there was sauce all...
View ArticleHow Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?
Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her. –59th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: aenigma NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again. –Forsyth St & E...
View ArticlePresenting the Wednesday One-Liners Lollipop
Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear." –43rd & 9th Girl on cell: So if he licked...
View ArticleAnd I Do
Woman: I like butts. I don't have no butt fetish!Male friend: You're always saying “kiss my butt”! –39 th St & Broadway
View ArticleWatch Your Mouth– This Isn't the G Train.
Teen girl #1: We have to get in line over here…Teen girl #2: You can just shut up and lick me! –Bowery Ballroom Overheard by: Rhiannon
View ArticleHow Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?
Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her. –59th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: aenigma NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again. –Forsyth St & E...
View ArticlePresenting the Wednesday One-Liners Lollipop
Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear." –43rd & 9th Girl on cell: So if he licked...
View ArticleAnd I Do
Woman: I like butts. I don't have no butt fetish!Male friend: You're always saying “kiss my butt”! –39 th St & Broadway
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